The Lesson I've Learned About Standing In My Truth
As some of you know I’m getting married this June (weehoo!). Since our engagement in the fall, these past few months have been an interesting journey for my finance and I, as we’ve continued to explore our expectations within our relationship. It’s also been an interesting journey as other people (family, friends, heck strangers even) have been more involved in our relationship with the word “wedding” in the air. These past few months have been such a learning time for me in so many different ways, especially regarding standing up for my beliefs, needs, and wants.
I’m using this time in my life as an example for you to understand how important it is for us to constantly ask ourselves these questions...
“What is it that I need right now?”
“How can I advocate for help in this need?”
“How might I need to set loving boundaries with others to ensure that I’m honouring myself?”
During wedding planning it can become so easy to get caught up in other’s perceptions and ideals around what should/should not be done. SO during this time in my life it has been even more crucial that I turn inwards and use my own sense of discernment.
“Discernment, what’s that all about?!?”, you might ask.
Well for me, discernment is about knowing what feels right within my heart and body. It’s personal. It’s the truth. And I connect with my discernment by asking myself those questions above, and by listening to my gut instincts.
I’ve been learning to stand tall within my personal truth for a number of years, yet these past few months have been an added challenge as we’ve been discussing such an emotionally charged topic for everyone – weddings and marriage. Some of the extra tools that I’ve used to help myself during this time, which you could try out, include:
· Knowing first what I need/what, before I speak with other’s about anything.
· Asking for help from my fiancé, family, and friends in supporting that want/need.
· Journaling and spending reflective time as I navigate this life transition.
· Seeing my personal therapist to ensure that I have space to navigate my feelings and thoughts, with someone who is neutrally supportive and always holding my highest regard.
And an added tip that’s been extremely helpful for me has been to amp up my “I statements”. These statements help ensure that when I’m communicating with another they’re understanding my side of the story and not feeling blamed/shamed /hurt. Here’s an example...
“Mom and Dad, I really need you to know how important this wedding is to me and how much I want everyone to enjoy their time celebrating with us. It’s very important to me that only our closest family and friends attend so we will not be inviting any Great Uncles or Aunts.”
Using a statement like this gives the listener a better chance of understanding your side of the story and truly hearing what is important to you.
I hope that through sharing my own experience within this journey towards marriage you’ll see how important it is for us to know what is personally right for us all and then to advocate for it. Remember, this is not a selfish act, this is an act of complete self-care and self-love.
You are allowed to have your own opinions.
You are allowed to have your own needs.
You are allowed to meet your own needs, even if they are different from what others need.
It’s okay to give yourself permission to stand up for your truth.
In courage and with loving vibes,